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How to train your insecurities

make your insecurities become Toothless

Author

Linda Hung
May 15, 2024 • Estimated Reading Time: 4 minutes

Wednesday We’s

How to Train Your Insecurity

Everyone has insecurities. If left untrained, insecurities can twist reality and distort your views into something else. Today, we’re going to explore what insecurities can do FOR you.

Today’s Topics:

  • Perception Distortion

  • Negative Emotions Analysis

  • Question to discuss with your partner

Perception Distortion

"Insecurities distort perceptions; they make mountains out of molehills and sow seeds of doubt where none should exist."

Unknown

I had a conversation with a girl-friend yesterday as she told me about a guy she was seeing. She showed me one excerpt of their conversation and all I could see was how his insecurity distorted his view of her. He liked the idea of her rather than who she was — which got me thinking that everyone has insecurities; it’s not about finding someone who doesn’t have insecurities but someone who can healthily cope with their insecurities.

We need to learn how to “train” our insecurities so that it doesn’t negatively impact our relationships with others (romantic, family, or even friends). It’s not about rejecting insecurities but rather noticing when the negative emotions pop up and choosing not to repeat the same negative patterns when they happen.

Negative Emotions Analysis

Insecurities prevent you from seeing reality

Fearful, anxious, and powerless are common feelings we feel whenever we feel insecure. It feels easier to distract yourself from these feelings, but will hurt relationships in the long-run if you don’t face them head-on.

Think of these negative emotions like a dragon. You have to learn how to train is so that it won’t run wild and destroy the relationships that are important to you (yes, I’m implying you can make it become like Toothless)

Here are the steps on “How to Train Your Insecurities”

How to Train Your Insecurities:

  1. Acknowledgment and Need Identification:

    • Identify the negative emotion: Acknowledge feelings such as fear, insecurity, anxiety, or powerlessness.

    • Validate emotions: Accept these feelings without judgment or suppression, recognizing their normalcy.

    • Sit with the emotion: Allow yourself to experience and acknowledge the emotion without immediate reaction.

  2. Exploration and Root Cause Analysis:

    • Reflect on past experiences: Consider previous instances or triggers that may contribute to these emotions.

    • Dig deep into the why: Investigate the underlying reasons for feeling the way you do, beyond surface-level situations.

    • Differentiate reality from distortion: Recognize any distorted perceptions caused by insecurities, separating them from actual circumstances.

  3. Taking Responsibility and Communication:

    • Own your feelings: Accept responsibility for your emotions rather than projecting them onto your partner.

    • Communicate openly: Share your feelings and insights with your partner, fostering understanding and growth.

    • Encourage mutual growth: Embrace a growth mindset together, focusing on personal and relationship development.

Save this framework somewhere accessible to you (Notion, Apple Notes, Keep Notes) so that you can come back to it whenever you feel negative emotions of insecurity.

Question to discuss with your partner

What insecurities do you feel may be affecting our relationship, and how can we work together to address and grow beyond them?

Don’t let your insecurities hinder the relationship. Use it to understand yourself better and to better arm yourself on when it creeps up.

Talk to your partner about this and reply to this email about any revelations you had!

That’s all for this Wednesday We. Reply to this e-mail with any findings you have and let me know what topics you would like me to explore!

In the meantime, Stay Smiling 😊

Linda

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