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Are You With the Wrong People?

Author

Linda Hung
May 27, 2024 • Estimated Reading Time: 4 minutes

Monday Me’s

Are You With the Wrong People?

Often times the people closest to us end up being the people we need to be furthest from. Today we’ll be doing a deep dive on identifying the “wrong” people in your life and how they influence you

Today’s Topics:

  • Mark Mason

  • Distracters vs Inspirers

  • 6 Patterns of “Wrong” People

  • Question for you

Mark Mason

This newsletter was inspired by Mark Mason’s Newsletter. He’s the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck, and spews out amazing content in his newsletter. Highly recommend it!

Distracters vs Inspirers

The wrong people will distract you, the right people will inspire you.

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People always have an opinion on everything you do. The wrong people will distract you by projecting onto you while the right people will inspire you to push yourself further.

I’m bringing this up because my best friend is going through a breakup and her parents have been inserting their opinions about her ex A LOT. As she was talking to me, I realized how she started imbibing her parents’ opinions without consulting with herself or her partner. At this point, it’s too late to repair their relationships, but it made me realize how important it is to stay away from people who project their opinions even if they’re your family or closest friends.

Although these “wrong people” may have the best intentions, they certainly do not help you in developing yourself. Sometimes, you simply need to separate yourself from them even if they mean well.

Patterns of “Wrong People”

Find someone who can uplift you instead of putting you down

It’s hard to identify who is “wrong” vs “right”, so I identified 6 common patterns that “wrong” people tend to exert

6 Patterns of “Wrong People”

  1. Disrespectful of Boundaries: These individuals make you feel bad with their jokes or responses. When you express that you're hurt, they don't respect your boundaries and continue their behavior.

  2. Energy Drainers: They consistently leave you feeling drained, unhappy, and negative after interactions. Their presence brings down your mood and energy.

  3. Critical and Discouraging: They criticize and discourage your efforts, often projecting their own insecurities onto you. Your success reminds them of their failures, leading them to drag you down to their level. They rarely try to understand or challenge your perspective positively.

  4. Unreliable and Untrustworthy: These people are not there when you need them, break promises, and fail to keep important secrets. They might appear trustworthy but lie behind your back and won't stand up for you when you're not around.

  5. Self-Serving and Disrespectful: They prioritize their own happiness over others, showing little respect for your personal boundaries and values. Their intentions are often self-serving, reaching out only when they need something, but never reciprocating.

  6. Negative Influences: They engage in gossip and negativity about others, which indicates they likely talk behind your back as well. They handle conflicts poorly, often becoming defensive, dismissive, and aggressive. They dominate conversations, don't listen to or understand your perspective, and create a negative cycle that influences you to become more negative over time.

Sometimes the closest people in your life can be the “wrong” people. You may not be able to cut them out of your life completely, but you can certainly minimize time with them.

Reflect: Think about if any of your friends/families/partners exert these patterns

Question for You

How do the closest people around you make you feel? How can you minimize the time with the “wrong” people?

Think about the emotions you have after you spend time with your closest people. Does it feel energizing or draining? If you find out that they’re the “wrong” people in your life, think about how you can minimize the time spent with them.

Comment below on your experiences in minimizing time with the “wrong” people

That’s all for this Monday Me. Reply to this e-mail any findings you have and let me know what topics you would like me to explore!

In the meantime, Stay Smiling 😊

Linda

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