• Me2We
  • Posts
  • The easiest way to develop connections

The easiest way to develop connections

it's simpler than you think

Author

Linda Hung
October 16, 2024 • Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes

Wednesday We’s

The Easiest Way to Develop Connections

Connection is an innate part of the human experience. Without it, we all face loneliness. So how do you develop connections? It’s a lot simpler than you think it is.

Today’s Topics:

  • The Gaping Hole

  • The Key to Connection

  • Understand More, Argue Less

  • Reflections

The Gaping Hole

I hate arguments

It’s the gaping hole you feel after you “resolve” a conflict

The regret that sinks in after you’ve yelled out words you don’t mean

But ultimately, you don’t feel understood and neither do they

But with each argument is an opportunity

The opportunity to understand each other better and build a stronger connection rather than severing it.

The Key to Connection

Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire, and judgment — and, for a moment at least, existing for the other person.

— Michael P. Nichols

The easiest way to develop connections is to make others feel understood.

There’s an indescribable energy when two people are on the same page — when they know they are on the same page.

Conversations flow effortlessly

You feel like you “get” each other

So making others feel understood is the #1 skill to developing connections

It’s the hardest skill I’m still improving on after 5+ years of practicing: putting away ego — suspending the memory, desire, and judgment. To exist for the other person.

It’s not just about understanding, but also making them feel understood.

It requires hard work to put away your ego, but the reward is gaining a deeper sense of connectedness — being human.

Understand More, Argue Less

Arguments are unavoidable, it’s what makes human species whole — differing perspectives.

So instead of avoiding arguments, here are some practical advice in handling arguments and using them as an opportunity to connect with one another

Make Arguments Easier:

  1. Take a Break

    The moment the air is heated, step away and cool off before re-engaging in the conversation

    Keywords: “I think we should cool off and talk after”

  2. Establish Roles

    Once both people have cooled off, assign the roles of “Speaker” and “Listener.”

    As the listener, your job is actively listening to the speaker without interrupting.

    Key action: Wait 7 seconds after the speaker has stopped talking so you don’t interrupt them.

  3. Paraphrasing for clarity

    Listeners paraphrase what you’ve understood of what the Speakers said.

    Key words: “If I understood you correctly you said…” and end it with, “Did I miss anything?”

    If the Listener did not paraphrase, the Speaker can say, “Can you repeat what you’ve understood of what I said?”

  4. Ego Management

    Listeners, notice your ego. You can choose to either let your ego control the conversation or step aside and listen to the Speaker.

    This is the hardest step, but the more you practice this the better your communication will be

  5. Validation

    It’s not about being right, but about making the other person feel their perspective matters.

    Allowing the Speaker to feel validated is the key to

Reflection

Think of a recent disagreement. How did you let the other person feel understood? What steps could you take to improve active listening in future conversations?

Identifying past mistakes is one of the best ways to grow. Think about your recent disagreement and analyze how you can improve in the future.

Reflect: Then reply to this e-mail with your findings

In Case You Missed it…

On our last Wednesday We, we talked about How to Disagree Civilly

Disagreements are the chance to learn something new. With the right framework, both parties can learn a new perspective when we learn how to disagree civilly. Here is the 7 steps of navigating disagreements:

  1. Pause and Reflect

  2. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

  3. Find Common Ground

  4. Acknowledge the Other Person’s Valid Points

  5. Offer Your Perspective

  6. Embrace Disagreement as a Learning Opportunity

  7. Agree to Disagree (if necessary)

Read more Monday Me Posts for alignment techniques for “Me” and Wednesday We Posts for connection tips for “We”!

That’s all for this Wednesday We. Reply to this e-mail any findings you have and let me know what topics you would like me to explore!

In the meantime, Stay Smiling 😊

Linda

PS: Went apple picking with a new group of friends and we ended up making this star formation 🤣

Reply

or to participate.