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Are You Giving Love The Right Way?

Author

Linda Hung
June 05, 2024 • Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes

Wednesday We’s

Are You Giving Love The Right Way?

Do you ever feel like your love and support for others isn’t appreciated enough? It’s often caused by a misalignment of how others want to receive love. Today we’re diving into the alignment of giving/receiving love so that all efforts will not go unappreciated.

Today’s Topics:

  • Jay Shetty Story

  • Love Can Be Lost

  • Action for you to do with partner

  • Question for you to ask partner

Jay Shetty Story

I was listening to Jay Shetty’s Podcast with Matthew Hussey on this topic. Jay’s partner released her first cookbook and he realized he hadn’t celebrated with her partner about the release of the cookbook. He wanted to organize a big party with banners and a feast for her. When he asked her how she wanted to celebrate the release of her cookbook, she replied, “We already celebrated it with dinner last night!”

Jay couldn’t even remember the event and eventually realized the dinner was just her inviting her friends and making food that was from the cookbook (without telling ANYONE it was from there). That was her “type” of celebration. It was enough for her and she was satisfied with being able to share her recipes with her friends in a low-key fashion, contrary to Jay’s big celebration, which is what he would’ve done for himself.

Everyone has their ways of celebrating, just like receiving love. Everyone has their preferred way of receiving love and support, so it’s important to communicate with your partner what love and support look like for them so that your efforts won’t go to waste.

Love Can Be Lost

“The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.”

Gilbert K. Chesterton

Love is tricky, and often we end up feeling like the love we give to others doesn’t get reciprocated or appreciated. That is because we oftentimes project how we want to receive love onto others: we emulate exactly what we want to receive and assume that others are the same.

This can cause efforts to be lost because your partner, friend, or family might not want that specific type of support. Understand that even if you have the best intentions in mind, it may be all for naught unless you ask how others want to be loved and supported.

Giving Love The Right Way

You gotta make sure you’re giving the love others WANT to receive

I used to be horrible at giving words of affirmation to my boyfriend. When we first started dating, he told me that it’s important to him and consistently showed examples of it

How to Give Love The Right Way:

1. Understand Love Languages:

  • Identify and practice your partner's preferred love language: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and quality time.

  • Continuously improve in areas where you're less attuned if that is what your partner wants

2. Communicate Clearly:

  • Directly ask partners about their preferences for support and celebration. A simple ask “How do you want to be supported when you feel stressed” can go a long way.

  • Regularly check in and adjust based on their feedback. People change, and sometimes people don’t know what they want until they experience it.

3. Balance Support and Space:

  • Communicate to understand if they need support or space.

  • Observe their reactions and ask what they prefer in different situations.

4. Encourage Through Their Love Language:

  • Use their preferred love languages to encourage habits and growth.

  • Show appreciation for small efforts to motivate continued progress.

5. Focus on Their Needs:

  • Ask questions to understand their preferences and avoid projecting your own.

  • Tailor your support based on their responses and preferences.

6. Celebrate Meaningfully:

  • Offer simple, meaningful celebrations based on their preferences.

  • Focus on quality time and shared activities that they enjoy.

Aligning the love and support other’s want to feel is crucial in maintaining healthy relationships. Use the above framework to learn more about your partner so that you can support each other the right way

Question for you to ask your partner

“What are some ways you feel most loved and supported, and how can I better align my actions with your needs?”

Think about how you want to be supported and loved. Be specific and communicate that to your partner

Action: Journal your answers down and talk to your partner about it!

In Case You Missed it…

On last week’s Wednesday We, we talked about strengthening your loved ones instead of protecting them from weakness. We discussed the “Empowering Love Framework” which boils down to 6 steps:

Empowering Love Framework:

  1. Encourage Self-Discovery and Independence

  2. Provide Balanced Support

  3. Encourage Learning from Mistakes

  4. Foster Problem-Solving Skills

  5. Give Constructive and Supportive Feedback

  6. Celebrate Efforts and Achievements

Read more Wednesday We Posts for actionable advice to improve relationships with others and more Monday Me Posts for improving your relationship with yourself

That’s all for this Wednesday We. Reply to this e-mail any findings you have and let me know what topics you would like me to explore!

In the meantime, Stay Smiling 😊

Linda

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